


Under Your Skin

by whats_up_mari



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 13:52:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1820692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whats_up_mari/pseuds/whats_up_mari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Looking back now, it’s amazing how someone can get under your skin, and no matter what you do, you can’t get rid of them. There are so many things I still don’t know, so many feelings I still can’t quite describe."</p>
<p>Colin is writing about Bradley and their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under Your Skin

_It wasn’t until the middle of the winter 3 years ago that I contemplated the idea of starting a relationship. The problem with these things, you see, is that you can’t simply choose it. It just happens._

_“You don’t really want a serious relationship”, my friend said, “What you want is to not be alone. If not that, you just want to feel what it’s like to be ‘in love’. You just want the thrill.”_

_I pondered his words carefully, like I always do, because he was the wisest of us. But naturally, I didn’t give a damn. However, he was right about one thing: I did want the thrill. I needed to know how it felt._

_I wish I could just write everything that happened back then. Everything I did, said and felt. Every hello and goodbye. But I am not good at talking about all of this stuff._

_Our first date was quite pleasant. When we first met, I wasn’t sure we were going to get along. But then we started sharing things with each other which we wouldn’t share with anyone else._

_I was not yet in love, although we did share some kind of bond. The way I felt about him was different. In this big world we live in, full of people we’re yet to meet, I thought his company was quite lovely and I wanted to keep it ‘til the end of times. But I knew this wasn’t love, because if it fell apart back then, I wouldn’t care much. It would turn into a memory that I would forever cherish, and that’s it. Life would go on._

_Those feelings were growing stronger, but they were turning into an odd friendship. I liked it that way. I thought it was for the best. We matched too perfectly, and we argued too little. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, was it?_

_I reckoned we could be good friends. I loved going out with him, but I was quite insecure about holding hands. I didn’t want to walk the streets giving strangers the certainty that I could indeed be in love, when I myself was not entirely sure of it._

_Time was passing by, and I was feeling miserable. We finally argued for the first time. We yelled at each other, like lovers do, and I didn’t like it. I wasn’t certain if we should go on with whatever kind of relationship we were having. It seemed it was getting a little pathetic. Maybe I was just being ridiculous. Maybe we should’ve stayed just friends._

_Nevertheless, I was not yet ready to give up. It was getting hard to think about life before him. What was my life? I couldn’t quite recall anymore._

_One night we went to the theatre. He took me home and bought me flowers._

_But then again, it was not about how he touched me softly in places where I craved his touch. It was not about how he kissed my neck. It was not about the way he whispered in my ear, or how I could feel his body pressed to mine like we were one. It was not about how we got breathless, holding each other like the world was just about to end. It was about the way we finally walked the street holding hands. This was the final proof. I was most definitely in love._

_Looking back now, it’s amazing how someone can get under your skin, and no matter what you do, you can’t get rid of them. There are so many things I still don’t know, so many feelings I still can’t quite describe._

_You know how they say “I wish I knew then what I know now”? I truly do. Two souls destined to be together will be together no matter what; and that’s the bit that hurts. Sometimes it gets much too heavy._

_But if it’s worth it, then it doesn’t matter if it gets complicated. Even though our years of spending lazy Sundays together have come to an end, and I’m not sure what we are going to do, I know it’s worth it. I know I should hold on to this feeling. It’s strange, because you never really know if what you feel for someone or what someone claims to feel for you is true. But that’s what’s so exciting about it: the uncertainty._

“Are you writing again?” Bradley asked out of the sudden.

Colin startled. He was too focused on his laptop screen.

“Yes” he answered.

“About what?” The blonde asked.

“Ah, you know… the usual stuff…” Colin stuttered.

Bradley stretched out lazily. He got out of the bed and stood behind Colin, who tried to hide what he had just written.

“Don’t worry, I won’t read it.” Bradley said playfully. “Only if you want to show me”, he added, after a pause.

“I know” Colin smiled.

_I love him. That much is true._

**Author's Note:**

> Ficlet I wrote quite some time ago and posted on my tumblr (soldtothedevil.tumblr.com).


End file.
